I made it. This past Friday, Summer officially turned 6 months old. I can’t believe it. Before I had her, I planned to breastfeed for at least a year. I read all the books. I was prepared for the difficulties we might have with her latch or the discomfort nursing might cause in the beginning. Of course, we’d get everything figured out that first week, and by 6 weeks, we would have a perfect nursing relationship. Oh, how I looked forward to those quiet moments alone with my baby. The selfish person in me loved the fact that I would be the only one able to feed Summer, and no bottle or pacifier would touch her lips for at least six weeks. As you know, things didn’t quite go as planned.
Nursing lasted 4 months, and for the past 2 months, I’ve been exclusively pumping and bottle-feeding. We’ve had to supplement with formula since Summer’s first week of life. In the beginning I was devastated. I’m still not a huge fan of formula, but I’m also grateful for the stuff, because without it, she would not be thriving. These past few months have been the most emotional of my life (I’m sure CD would concur), but like my friend Brianne told me not too long ago, it’s important to extend the same grace to ourselves that we extend to others. Therefore, I’ve decided to wean myself off of the breast pump. It’s time. I started dropping pumping sessions this past Friday, and I’m now down to pumping 4 times a day. We’ll be starting Summer on solids soon, and although a part of me is sad she’ll no longer be getting my milk, I’m ready to let it go.
I could never have made it this far without my husband. CD, thank you for hugging me every time I cried, for leaving work and coming home that afternoon I called you in a panic after losing a piece of pumping equipment, for sitting with me through so many nursing & pumping sessions, for making me feel beautiful everyday, and most of all, thank you for supporting my decision to quit whenever I decided it was time.
Thanks to Averie, Gwennie, Sarena, the moms at MOBI, and to the many others who encouraged me via email or comments. Thanks to Jackie, our amazing lactation consultant, who was so helpful and comforting the first time CD called her late one evening while I sat in the nursery crying with a hungry Summer a few days after she was born. Jackie got us through that night and was at our house the next day and several times thereafter. She also returned countless text messages and emails, and without her help, my milk supply would never have increased as much as it did. This may sound strange, but I would also like to thank all of those who kept telling me to quit, and there were a lot of you. I know you did it out of love for me – for my own sanity.
Summer received every drop of breast milk my body produced, except for one spoonful. An artist on Etsy makes breast milk pendants, and here is a bit of her story in her own words:
Breastfeeding has changed my life, expanded my mind, and connected me to my boys in ways I could have never imagined. I am so very passionate about my children and amazed that my milk has helped them grow so beautifully. What an extraordinary power to MAKE MILK, and I would do anything to preserve that forever. These beautiful pendants do just that and last as a visual keepsake.
That one spoonful I saved went into making the necklace below which I hope to give to Summer one day. I chose the moon shape bead because some of my fondest memories from Summer’s first months of life were our middle-of-the-night rocking sessions. Summer would rest her head on my shoulder and fall asleep. It was just so peaceful, and as grateful as I am that she now sleeps through the night, I still miss those quiet moments together. Maybe Summer will treasure the necklace, or perhaps she’ll think it’s totally bizarre. Whatever her thoughts might be, I just wanted to give her a token – something to let her know that we gave breastfeeding our best shot, and Summie, even though it didn’t work out as I’d hoped, you are happy, healthy, and so beautiful, and I love you with all my heart.
{ 108 comments }
Heather this post totally made me tear up! First off, Summer is 6 months old already? Wow! She is growing so fast!
I love the necklace, and even thought breastfeeding didn’t turn out the way you thought it would — I’m glad you gave it your best effort! You are such a good Mom and I’m so thankful you are sharing this experience on your blog.
Heather, you’ve made me cry.
For your honesty, and openness you are a treasure. It didn’t go as either of us planned but yet we ARE much wiser now and our wee ones are doing so well.
I am also having a wee giggle amongst my tears that at breakfast time I am here again (didn’t I promise myself not to do that?) and for once there is no picture to make me drool and run for the pantry….
Love the necklace idea, some people are just so amazingly creative!
Bless you
Lorne
What a unique and lovely treasure! And what a heart tugging post. Summer is such a blessed little child. 6 months already? My how time flies! You’ll say that more times than you can count over the years.
Oh my goodness, that necklace is SO neat! It is amazing the emotions that breastfeeding can bring about. I really don’t think you can fully explain it to someone who hasn’t done it before – let alone yourself! I am very close to completely weaning Annabelle now and even though in the beginning I veeery much looked forward to this day, I am now getting very sentimental about it.
I can’t imagine losing pump parts – I would have totally lost it – CD deserves a medal!
Emily,
Oh my gosh, that afternoon was the worst. We only had one car as the other was in the shop, and CD had just been home from lunch and gone back to work. I went to pump, and realized I had somehow lost those little white membrane things while sterilizing all the pump parts. CD raced home so that I could have the car to drive and buy more. I bought a whole package of them, and I never did find the ones I lost that day. I think our dogs probably ate them. Seriously.
So sweet! Can I ask your advice? How did you get Summer sleeping through the night? My little guy is 7 months old and breastfeeding, and he still wakes up a lot. Did you employ a cry it out method, or do you think the formula helps her sleep? I’m struggling a lot with this and I shouldn’t pressure myself, but I feel like a failure because he still wakes up so much.
Fran,
I swear by Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Weissbluth. That book was our saving grace, and Summer is a great sleeper. However, I do have to say that she started sleeping through the night all on her own at about 3 months. She’s gone through phases where she started waking up at 4 AM, but that didn’t last long. Honestly, from what I know from our own and my friends’ experiences, formula fed babies do tend to sleep through the night at an earlier age, but by 7 months, I think your son can make it through the night without eating. I would highly recommend reading Dr. Weissbluth’s book for some help. And never ever think you are a failure – you are doing an amazing job, and that is so awesome that you are exclusively breastfeeding. Your little guy will get there – don’t lose hope, and please never hesitate to email me with any questions. I’m no expert, but I’d be happy to share what has worked for us.
Thank you so much for talking so openly about this very difficult topic. People discuss breastfeeding as if it “just happens.” I know that my mom struggled with me but had nobody to talk to because she thought it was just her – it turns out that it’s incredibly common, and she cried in isolation for no reason.
Victoria,
I wish our moms had access to help like we have today. I would never had made it this far without some of these folks. I wish I could go back in time and hug your mom – I’d tell her that her daughter turned out amazing, breast milk or not.
My sister is going thru the same thing you did, my nephew is only 6 weeks old. I will share with her this post so she can read it
Thanks for sharing HEAB.
Lea,
Oh, please tell you sister to hang in there and that regardless of what happens, she is an amazing mama. It’s so hard, and I’m always just an email away is she ever needs any encouragement.
This post is so gorgeous, I nearly had tears in my eyes! Happy half-birthday to your beautiful daughter
This post totally made me tear up! I love that pendant, and you are such a good mom, Heather, Summer could not be luckier, breast milk or not.
Even if you’d never breastfed…you’d still be an amazing mom who helped Summer thrive from the beginning. Never forget that!
Thanks Beth – same to you.
You are a wonderful mom, Heather. Your transparency throughout this whole process has been amazing, and really made me consider what it will be like to be a mother someday, balancing what is reasonable and what is “ideal”… I have high expectations of all the things I want to do “right” in the future, but it’s true that we have to show ourselves patience, grace, and love, because sometimes, what seems “right” or “perfect” just isn’t feasible! And that’s ok. What’s “right” can change and look differently according to the circumstances. I’m so glad that you reminded me of that today. <3
It's obvious that you always want to do what is best for your little one, there is no doubt that this choice was in Summer's best interest — because both of your best interests are now bound up together. That's one of the things I would guess parenthood brings to light: that you really do have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. So wonderful to read about your journey, how you've dealt with challenges along the way, and how you've been open to learning from and making the best of everything. Such inspiring thoughts (especially for when the season of parenting comes for the rest of us)!
Katie,
“That’s one of the things I would guess parenthood brings to light: that you really do have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others.” Couldn’t have said it better myself. Thanks for all the support.
Omygoodness I got chills reading this. I can totally relate to the struggle and I admire you for making it this far! Summer is such a beautiful and healthy baby because of your hard work and she will continue to thrive because of the love she will get everyday from her wonderful parents…plus all the great food she is about to start tasting! I absolutely adore this necklace, and think its a wonderful and unique idea to preserve such a special bond between mom and little one. Completely beautiful.
wow heab! that is such a beautiful way to keep that memory. you’ve def changed over these months, it’s evident in your writing! you are an inspiration!
I don’t really know much about breastfeeding as I was never breastfed as a baby, but I read through all your struggles when Summer was first born and you really are such a wonderful mother, Heather. Everyone experiences hardships throughout their lives, but I admire you in your candor of relating your experiences with us on a daily basis.
I love that necklace; I think Summer will appreciate it just as much as we all do when she grows up and receives it as a present. <3
Thanks Sylvia. You have always been so supportive, and I appreciate it more than you know.
I’m sure she will love it someday
I am so proud of you for getting through the tough times and giving Summer a wonderful first 6 months!! You’ve have a lot of struggles but you somehow manage to stay positive and do what’s right. You probably know your body best out of anyone and if it’s telling you it’s time, then it’s time. You’re a mommy-inspiration for me and someday I hope I get to use all these things that I’ve learned from you since Summer was born.
::Hugs::
Thanks Maggie. Love you.
Awwww this is absolutely the sweetest thing ever! Summer will LOVE looking back on this post later and seeing what you said. There is no bond like a mother and daughter’s. You are such an amazing person, HEAB!
Yea! Drop kick that pump.. Summer is coming (the other one)!!!!
Carolyn,
If I didn’t have to return the pump to the hospital in one piece, I probably would. Bring on the tank top weather…although I will miss my big boobies.
Oh, Heather, I know how hard this must be for you, but I believe you are making the right decision, both for Summer and you. You gave your beautiful, healthy baby all that you could, and now it’s time to start a new chapter.
My mother could not breastfeed me at all, I was on 100% formula from day one. So, I think it’s amazing how hard you tried and you should be proud of whatever you could produce. But like I said, it’s not a sad ending, it’s a new happy beginning. Your baby is well and thriving and that is what’s most important, but your health and happiness is also important, sweet mama!
Take care of yourself. I wish you, Summer, and CD all the best. I’m sure Summer is going to LOVE solid foods! It’s going to be a great experience as you witness your little one trying foods we take for granted for the very first time. You have so much to look forward to! 
YAY!
Heather, there are chills running down my legs while I read this post! You are such a caring mother, and Summer is so lucky to have you as a mom. I wish you and her the best while she starts eating solids, now! How exciting!
Incredible post Heather! I seriously almost teared up reading the last couple lines and I’m not even a mom (hopefully one day I will be though!). Summer is very lucky to have parents who love her the way you and CD do!
Happy 6th month birthday to Summer. Today is actually my birthday, too
. Reading your words touched me so much. I can assure you that at 17, the bond between mother and daughter only becomes stronger. My mom is my best friend and I’m sure the relationship we have now is much like that of when I was Summer’s age: absolute, unconditional love. Congratulations to a wonderful mother and daughter. There will be many memories to come.
Have a lovely day!
Heather, you are such an inspiration, and I know Summer thinks so, too! As a new mom, you are such a positive model for me, and your honesty about your experience has helped me so much. Thank you!!
Can we clone CD?hehe:-)cc
this made me tear up.. what a beautiful post. love it heather, you are such a beautiful mother and an inspiration
Pure love…… Your actions as a mother have been phenomenal. Applaud yourself.
What a lovely post! Isn’t it funny and sad at the same time how we try whatever we are able to do and things don’t go as planned nevertheless? I’m sure you provide the best conditions for your daughter, no matter what.
This made me want to cry! I am so proud of your courage to share the good and the bad with this. You are seriously such an incredible mom and the fact that you gave her so much already, proves how great of a mom you truly are to Summer. She is such a lucky little lady to have you and she will appreciate what you’ve done for her! Oh and you have a great man there too! I feel so fortunate to have your friendship and I appreciate every second that you let me lean on you too!
That necklace is so sweet (and cool looking, too!)
I have a friend who also had major issues with milk production (it was very emotional for her too!) and she nursed as much as she could, as well as getting breastmilk donations. Now she’s trying out the homemade formulas from the Weston Price Foundation: http://www.westonaprice.org/childrens-health/319-recipes-for-homemade-baby-formula.html
You can get good grass-fed Jersey Milk locally at the West Nashville Farmer’s Market, from West Wind Farms if you choose to try making homemade formula:-)
Erin,
Yes, CD bookmarked that recipe when we started researching formulas, and I know several that have/are using it. With all the supplementing and pumping, I was so overwhelmed with the thought of making my own formula, but now it doesn’t sound so scary. Also, the people that I know who use the recipe say it’s super easy once you make it a few times. I used to get raw goat’s milk from Peaceful Pastures, but I don’t think they sell it anymore. Do you know any place around Nashville that does?
Yes, you can also get raw goat’s milk from West Wind @ the W. Nashville Farmer’s Market. It comes frozen but I buy it and it thaws well and it’s really yummy (and I don’t even like milk that much!)
Great, thanks Erin!
heather, this post touched me so much. though im far from motherhood myself, i am so excited for the day i will be one. it sounds like there have been trials and tribulations but that you have grown so much through them. you’re wonderful and always inspire me with your strength and character =) you are a beautiful mother and Summer is so so so lucky to have a mother as devoted and loving as you!
That’s so incredbibly sweet! I doubt she’ll think it bizarre, but if she does..no doubt she’ll grow to appreciate it when she becomes a mother herself.
I have no words, this post, that necklace…perfect. Simply perfect.
Congratulations are definitely in order! First, for pumping as long as you have and secondly, for knowing when it was time to stop. You gave it all you could and then some. You should be proud of yourself and you should never, ever second guess how awesome you are for what you have done. At the end of the day all that matters is that Summer is growing beautifully and that you are in the right place to be the best mother you can be.
Omg I am sobbing right now. Heather. Oh my. This post is so touching.
As you know, nursing was not easy for me, either. But it also changed my life. I became a lactation educator, went on to work with MOBI as a moderator, became passionate about human milk for human babies and doing what I could and can to help the dyad. The message that the woman wrote that starts off “Breastfeeding has changed my life, expanded my mind, and connected me to my boys in ways I could have never imagined….”
YES! 100%, I could have written that.
I think every woman who has nursed their baby feels deeply connected to, bonded with, and proud that her milk (how much ever the baby received) helped to nourish and grow her baby. You have done a wonderful job. You have exceeded expectations, especially as one looks back to those first weeks…it was pretty dicey there for awhile.
And yes, nursing DOES take a toll. Three years after I started nursing Skylar, both Skylar and I were done…but yes, I miss that bond now. But babies grow up! And she’ll be in kindergarten soon!
The milk necklace. Oh what I would have given to have one like that. Oh breaks my heart I dont have that…but I am glad you do.
Congratulations on your accomplishment, Heather! I am so happy for you, and one day Summer will kiss your feet when she knows what you went thru
xoxo
Oh Heather. You are the best mama!
The most important thing is that YOU are at peace with this choice, because we have to look out for ourselves first and foremost. Summer is a precious sweet little girl and thank God she is thriving and doing well and I know she will be forever grateful for how much love, thought, and care you put into this whole process! <3 xoxo
That was a beautiful post. Congratulation on making it 6 months.
Oh Heather, I love you more with each touching post like this. You are an AMAZING woman, and an even more phenomenal mother. What an incredibly unique and special gift! xoxo
Without a doubt. Best Blog. Ever. What a beautiful day when Summer gets her precious necklace.
as a fellow breastfeeding mom who understands the difficulty, ad the appreciation for the role a good lactation consultant plays, your post totally made me cry. you did it! your body helped Summer grow and thrive and that is an irreplaceable gift. so glad you are at peace with where you are now! xoxo
congrats for breastfeeding for 6 months…..Summer is so lucky to have such a dedicated, loving Mom who is ever present and willing to do whatever it takes to do what you feel is best for her!
What a beautiful post – it especially resonates with me now as Bronwen and I are fumbling our way through the early days of breastfeeding.
Andrea,
I’ve been thinking about you so much. Hang in there.
Congrats to you and for summer for her first half birthday. I wish I could’ve offered you words if wisdom on parenting or nursing but the world is a much better place without me procreating. In fact, I’m not sure you’d make it past six months with my help.
But I’ll be more than happy robe there for summer when she’s older and I’ll be the cool,crazy, Jewish, not-really-related aunt that will aside her that her necklace is cool. Deal?
Eden,
Deal! I know Summer will love her Aunt Eden.
Crap, I didn’t mean to write “robe”. It was supposed to be “to be”. My fingers are to fat to type!
P.S.
And I’ll make sure Summer never makes fun of Aunt Eden’s fat fingers.
wow.. this made me tear up. I’m really sorry that your nursing relationship wasn’t what you had hoped it would be… it sounds like you did everything in your power to create it what you thought would be. It’s so wonderful that you are giving this to her and when she has her own babies.. what a beautiful resource you will be for her! I think that the last several generations of children have been born to bottle feeding moms… and it’s so much harder for moms today than it used to be.
That gave me the biggest goosebumps ever. That was a beautiful post Heather!
Just chiming in to say that I, too, am totally weeping after reading this beautiful, emotional piece of writing. Amazing.
Ah, you are so thoughtful. There are so many parts of this post that I admire: the seriousness by which you took breastfeeding; your perserverance, your grattitude, and the love for Summer that comes through your words… Congratulations on making it as long as you did!!! Though, I wound up being able to nurse, it was very difficult at first and I know how frustrating, emotional, and difficult it can be (those hormones!). Kudos to CD, too, for being there for you—- that means a lot, too! Happy Easter & Spring to you and your whole family… -Amber
Thanks so much Amber – hope you had a wonderful Easter as well.
wow thank you for sharing this Heather!! It was such a heart-warming posts! I guess motherhood is filled with so much love yet it can hurt b/c we have to constantly let go. But I know you’re growing through these changes sista! stay strong and you’re an amazing mom from what I see
beautiful. with such a lovely mother, and father, how can summer not be an equally beautiful and lovely baby?
I know that breastfeeding was tough for you, Heather, but I think you handled the curve ball the best way possible.
Oh Heather – I got all teary reading this! I totally understand the mixed feelings that come with stopping nursing/pumping. Honestly you made it longer than I would have with the pump. You are a trouper and a wonderful mom! That necklace is beautiful; may it bring peaceful nighttime memories for both you and Summer.
Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts about your personal moments in motherhood!
I, like you, struggled with breastfeeding. Our daughter would not latch on at first, and it really hurt me. But I endured the pain, and gave it my best shot, because I wanted her to have the best of the best. And I was proud of myself, because I managed to breastfeed our daughter for 15 months. The last month was the toughest, because I wanted to keep that closeness with her forever. What made it even harder was the fact that I was going through postpartum. But I will always remember what a wonderful bond I had with her while breastfeeding.
So, kudos to you for giving it your best shot! Your daughter will benefit from your efforts!
http://faithfulsolutions.blogspot.com/
Officially cried. That isn’t too easy unless I am PMSing and Im not. Your beautiful! Much love. Tonya
What a beautiful post!
I also weened both of my babies at 6 months, and supplemented both with formula. I felt guilty about the formula until our pediatrician reminded me that is was more important to have a well-fed baby than to worry about solely breastfeeding and risk letting our little guy go hungry.
Kinda put it into perspective, lol!
(When my daughter was a baby I was about to give her some formula. My brother-in-law, who lived in the Philippines until he was 2, said “Man, I wish I’d had this when I was a baby! I’d be 6 feet tall! (he’s 5’7″). That made me laugh, and also helped me feel better about supplementation.
Summer seems to be thriving, and she has 2 parents who adore her. She is a lucky girl!
Heather–you are absolutely amazing. I think I tell you this all the time but it’s so true. You did everything you could for Summer, and now you’re doing what you think is right. You have taught me so much about the first few months of parenting (and being pregnant!) and I’m pretty positive that I will be referring to your blog when I have my first child (someday!)
And I’m sure Summer will appreciate that necklace! XOXO Love you!!
I haven’t read a post that has hit home as much as this one has in a long time. I never make Andrew read any of the blogs that I read, but I had this one ready and waiting for when he got home. We’ve been through the exact same thing and it has been just as emotionally draining for me too, my friend. My heart goes out to you because I understand just how disappointing it is to not be able to provide all the breast milk our babies need. BUT, I think both you and I have made the best of the situation and we should both be so very proud of ourselves. You know, this is really such a story of love and the best part of all is that it’s only the beginning. I’m so proud of you Heather and I’m excited to see what kind of HEABified foods Miss Summer is going to be eating!!
Em,
I’ve thought about you and Andrew often b/c I know you’ve shared my same struggles. It’s been so hard, but it’s comforting knowing that there are others out there doing all they can to feed breastfeed. Thanks for all the support and encouragement, and please know I’m sending the very same thoughts to you and little Finn.
What a beautiful post and a wonderful keepsake for Summer. Thanks for sharing, HEABs!
I think the fact that you stuck it out as long as you did speaks VOLUMES. Not that there was ever any question of your love and devotion, but through this whole process you’ve been nothing but positive and hopeful and those qualities are what Summer is going to see. Not any lack of anything. You are amazing!
What a great post. Breastmilk may be important, but what’s most important for Summer is that she has an amazing mommy that would obviously do anything for her. That is truly beautiful. I can honestly say stopping breastfeeding is hard no matter how long or short of a time you do it. I just stopped nursing my 17 month old a few weeks ago and I still miss it
That necklace is a great keepsake 
Heather, thank you for your honesty and beautiful words in this post. While I myself (as you know) am about a billion lightyears away from having a baby, I’ve known several women lately who have struggled with breast-feeding too. Sometimes it feels like this great big secret that perhaps more people struggle with breastfeeding than don’t, and it’s so important to talk about it and make every mother know that the most important thing is the love, not the milk. And Summer clearly has an unending stream of love coming to her from you and CD, just as you do from CD, your family and friends, me, and surely your other blog-readers too. You’re amazing.
This post is the sweetest thing I have ever read.
My mom told me the story of her breastfeeding, and how she sat in the hospital’s pumping room for hours,suffering through the pain and the blood from the pumping just to get me a drop of milk. I appreciate every little droplet she gave me.
I’m sure Summer will be amazed one day when she realizes all the things you did in her earliest days and months.
You are an amazing mother dear Heather
Thanks Marina, so was your mom.
What a heart warming post Heather. Summer is a very lucky girl to have such a wonderful mama and papa!! I think that necklace is a wonderful idea…so unique and so meaningful.
that is such a neat idea – Summer is lucky to have you two as parents
Thanks for this lovely and insightful post. I don’t plan to have children for a few years, but my hopes are as high as yours were when you first had Summer. It’s good for me to start hearing the truth. Haha! I’m sure I’ll remember this down the road and take comfort in it.
Heather,
Following your story as you did everything in your power to provide the best nourishment for Summer has been so wonderful for a someone like myself who is planning on having kids in the next couple years. Your honesty with the frustrations and setbacks was truly eye-opening.
That charm is such an amazing way to celebrate what you’ve given Summer. I am sure it will mean so much to her especially when she has her own babies.
Aw, Heather…you are such a good mom and it sounds like CD is an amazing father and husband. Summer is so lucky to have you both!
I’ve been thinking about this post. Definitely give yourself a break! And your daughter is so so cute
Aww, Heather, you are such a wonderful inspiration to future Moms out there (especially me). Thank you for all of your honesty and wisdom. I love learning so much from and about you in your posts!
xxxx- Melissa
I can’t believe Summer is six months old already! I can imagine how amazing that must fee for you. I honestly could understand why you wanted to breastfeed summer in the first place (not from personal experience!) but I know it was a big bonding tool for my mom and I. I breastfed until I was four years old
.
With love,
VEGirl
this is such a beautiful, thoughtful gift Heather, I know that Summie will LOVE it.
She is so lucky to have such a loving mother, really.
LOTS OF LOVE XXO
Heather, that is completely precious. If something like that happened with my mom, I would know I would entirely treasure that necklace. Happy late Easter, Heather, to you and your family
Oh, such a sweet post Heather, made me cry. You are the most beautiful mother there is, and you did your best and more for your child, and that is more important than any number of months that you did or did not breastfeed. You will continue to do all you can for your child, no matter what, no matter when, no matter for how long. That is true mother’s love, and that is all that Summer needs from you, and she is getting that and more!
Hugs to you and Summer for the 6 months, you two are beautiful girls!
Ana
Beautiful post! In this crazy mixed-up world it is important to treasure the things important to us – and also the things that we thought went wrong at the time … but in the end end up being perfectly ok and just one more puzzle piece to the one big beautiful picture of life!
Beautiful post! In this crazy mixed-up world it is important to treasure the things important to us – and also the things that we thought went wrong at the time … but in the end they end up being perfectly ok and are just one more puzzle piece to that one big beautiful picture of life!
Such a beautiful and honest post. I may be too young to understand what you went through and are still going through, but your ability to turn difficulty or negativity into positivity is inspiring.
You and Summer are beautiful and she is incredibly lucky to have a mother like you
-Irina
Thank you so much for sharing your story, you are a WONDERFUL mama! If you are interested, I know that you can make your own baby formula ( :
I’m still hear Heabie, still lurking and taking notes for future reference. You are so brave to share your heart with your readers. Breastfed, formula, solids…Summer is lucky to have YOU! <3
Oh Heather, what a lovely, emotional and honest post. Summer is LUCKY to have such a great Mom, and an amazing keepsake she’ll treasure forever!!!!
What a touching and thoughtful keepsake for Summer. She looks to be such a healthy, happy baby. I look forward to having that kind of relationship when I start having children.
This is my most favorite post of yours Heather.
Jackie sounds like a Blessing.
good lord!!! PLEASE put a “warning this is gonna make you ball like a baby” warning on these posts…. Heather? That was absolutely beautiful… moving.. so full of gratitude… I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face…
No one EVAH better underestimate the power of this medium… I have prayed so many times for your little family.. have thought of you often during the day.. not in a weird “I’m a a HEABer stalker” kind of way.. but the same way I think about my flesh and blood friends when they’re having happy times or hard times..
Summer may or may not wear the beautiful pendant… but she will most definitely feel the love that her mother showered her with to create it… and she will know she was loved long before she entered this world. What a blessing… what a GIFT!
CRYING over here…amazing post and it’s amazing how similar our journeys have been! I love that necklace and hope she will treasure it forever!! Beautiful, beautiful!!!! XOXO
at first I thought it was a babytooth in the necklace, then I read the post and became much less grossed out.
what an amazing thing that artist does and a wonderful treasure for Summer to have!
Oh Heather what a lovely post. I can imagine what torment you must have gone through to come to this decision. Take comfort that you are really still in control of her eating, her health, by what you choose to give her. Instead of feeding it to yourself first, you’ll just be feeding it straight to her
The journey of motherhood is long and unending. What a privilege to walk this path! She looks like a little darling! I am so happy for you both
Oh Ered,
Thank you!!! What a wonderful perspective. I often think about you – hope all is well.
What a beautiful post. Although breastfeeding was not one of my personal struggles, I think that your journey through the difficulties with nursing Summer is a perfect metaphor for all of motherhood. Any time that I think that I have this mommy stuff down, something kicks me in the butt and makes me realize that we just have to do the best that we can in any given situation with our kids. It is a difficult, joyful, humbling, amazing journey. You are a wonderful mama, Heather.
Oh Heather! This post totally got to me this morning! You are such a beautiful woman and I am honored to call you my friend. I can only imagine how hard it must’ve been to go through all the emotional ups and downs with this. You are so strong to have kept up with it for so long. You are a wonderful mother and Summer is truly a gift from above! This necklace is a beautiful way of capturing this moment and expressing the love from a mother to a child and I’m sure it will be treasured forever.
Love you!
-Heather
Heather-
I am new to your blog and actually just found it today while looking for homemade nut butters.
But this post rings true to what I have recently gone through. My plan was to solely breastfeed for 18 months, but after 7 months my son started dropping nursings and my supply went down. I tried everything to get it back up, and pumped whatever my body would produce, while supplementing with formula. I pumped for 5 months to make it to his 1st birthday (April 22). Those were the hardest days for me, having him push me away when I desperately wanted to maintain that bond. For months, by 8am I had already cried at least once. Now he’s on organic cow milk and drinks it like a pro.
I too quit the corporate world last year after having my baby so I could stay home with him. And I have been making all his food fresh. Here is where I now receive joy in knowing that I am continuing to give him the best possible nutrition made by my hands.
Desiree,
Thanks so much for reading, and I’m glad you found me. Oh, and I so get it – I cried and cried when Summer fought against nursing. It was very hard to let that go and then all the pumping. Oh my goodness, the pumping. I’m down to 3 sessions a day, and my milk supply has gone way down. I’m sad, but I know when it’s all said and done, it’s going to be a huge weight off my shoulders. It’s time, and I’ve come to peace with my decision. It’s comforting to know there are others out there who understand and have shared my struggles, and thanks for the reminder that it doesn’t just end with breast milk or formula. Our choices for solid foods matter too, and yes, much joy can come from them.
You are such an incredible Mom! And Summer will love this necklace because all it represents. It will remind her of the unique kind of love that special parents always give to their children.
You definitely made me tear up. How incredibly beautiful! She is lucky to have you as her MaMa! I’m about to order 5 breast-milk pendants myself. Great Job MaMa!!
Kelley
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